so i just read an article.
it hit me super hard.
this hit me super hard.
Yes, “size zeroes” have issues with self acceptance and body image too. You won’t automatically be at home in your body when you shrink your waist—that’s not how it works.
i've been all across the spectrum of weight and loving myself.
lets start way back.
when i was in 7th grade i was in my english class, sitting in my chair. i needed something out of my back pack so i bent over and the boy next to me said "wow are you anorexic? i can see your spine through your shirt." i was so embarrassed i don't even think i responded. i remember it was a red shirt that said old navy across the front. seriously like how do i remember that? i didn't want to be friends with this boy like EVER. he never knew that he hurt me, i think still to this day he has no idea.
now ever since i was young i was ALWAYS little.
i used to swing on my grandmas bench and we'd sing a song about "bony maroney" ... if you don't know call me and i'll sing it for you.
not to mention every time i sat on someones lap they said "wow bony butt!!" or my favorite. "you need some fat on that skin and bones of yours."
seriously i know we didn't sing that song to hurt me and people didn't tell me that to be mean.
but i think the mere fact that i was conditioned to know that i was skinny and bony is sad.
being skinny has been far too long associated with happiness and beauty.
i've never really expressed the fact that i was always self conscious of my body, because people around me might get upset and think i should be grateful or something.
i remember the day i hit 100 lbs. it was my junior year in high school. i was beyond excited...
was i healthy?? NO! i ate pop tarts and fruit snacks everyday for lunch. (sorry mom) but seriously hitting 100lbs.. that was a huge mark for me!!!
now lets fast forward to about three years later... i met my husband.
we were working at a gym together.
i was still my little self. which is great and all... i started eating healthier finally.
enter the feeling of comfort and complete happiness.
i gained thirty pounds. when we got married i was about 130lbs.
keep in mind i didn't think i was fat by any means.
i look at my wedding pictures and say to myself now, i looked really beautiful that day!
every bride should say that!
... then i gained another ten pounds or so.
again. didn't think i was fat. tanner and i didn't even really notice.
i didn't feel like myself.
granted i just turned twenty and thats when you start to "figure out life" right?
i was anxious, ridiculously sad, and most of all lost.
i didn't know why i was here or what i was supposed to do with my life.
i tried working out more... because that is supposed to help with anxiety right?
i started eating even cleaner because i woke up every morning with a stomach ache that would last all day long. basically i was walking around high strung with stomach aches all day. doesn't that sound super fun??? i was over it. i went to the doctor and they put me on anti anxiety and anti depression medication. which was great! it started to help... i still felt lost though.
enter.. herbalife.
i know i talk a lot about the weight that i lost. which was fantastic. i gained my energy back along with it! my WHOLE body started to feel better. i feel healthy. now that... that was huge for me. i could actually function throughout the day.
now i will be completely open and honest with you guys.
right now i am 120lbs with 19% body fat.
and you know what? i'm comfortable. i love everything about the skin i walk around in.
i am not the skinniest I've ever been, nor do i have a lot of body fat on me.
but its not about that..
its the fact that i found what works best for ME.
thats what matters. you need to be happy, you need to love yourself every single day.
thats why i am involved in herbalife.
it gave me the tools to find my self worth and understand how important it is to find the best you.
now all of my clients come to me wanting to lose weight.
its a highly emotional journey. i'm here to dig deeper, help them overcome barriers in their life.
i love them no matter what their goals are or how many pounds they lose. as long as they are feeling happy and improving their overall health and wellness thats what makes me happy. the weight loss is just an amazing bonus. :)
so where i'm going.
like i said, i am comfortable.
i'm finally at a point that i can love myself everyday.
i feel AMAZING.
now i want to push my body to the limit.
thats why i will be competing.
i want to feel even stronger than i already do.
i'm doing this for me.
competing is my next goal.
why stop when you are comfortable??
i'm excited to see the person i become through all of it.
i hope you will join me on my journey.
oh also, side note.
we are still trying for a baby.
so when i get pregnant it'll be a whole new adventure with my health and wellness.
:)
i want to empower you.
be the best YOU.
don't try to be anyone else.
find what makes you happy and go for it!
no matter what that means to you.
i will support you and love you.
xo.
morgan.
here is the link to that blog post.
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/05/this-ones-for-my-skinny-sisters/
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