grown up??

so as some of you know i have been at home in bed for the past two days.

let me tell you. it is rough stuff ha.

if i wasn't feeling like death it would be ok.

but i am...

so it sucks.

the good news though? 

i can think about everything that i want to accomplish and what i need to do.

i'm organizing my thoughts i guess!

and this is where it gets personal... i'm warning you. ;)

since i was younger i have had issues with ovarian cysts. 

i know its a pretty common thing, but when one of those bad boys ruptures...

OUCH! 

i'm stuck trying not to cry or cut myself open to rip out my stupid ovaries haha.

i finally got into the doctor today.

i haven't been to an actual ob/gyn in like three years, i would just go to my little clinic for check ups.

don't do that... just always find a good doctor.

anyways we talked about all of my health issues as of late and he said i basically have endometriosis.

i'm shocked... not.

my family has a long history of fun female problems ha.

so basically i've been on birth control for like ever to help my girl stuff.

it hasn't worked.

well he said i could have the surgery to see if i for sure have endometriosis, to that i said 

"and if i do what are the treatments?"

he said

"birth control which you have been on, or you can try getting pregnant!"

the voice in my head said "oh our family would love that!"

i laughed and said "well we will get there when we get there!"

for the meantime he gave me this prescription that is made specifically to help cramping and endometriosis like symptoms. 

so we will see if that works!

anyways...

i've been secretly wanting a baby for a while now.

it's not a secret anymore!

but here is my thing. 

i feel like tanner and i are so young and we still have so much to figure out...

how do we know when we are ready??

do we know??

if we keep waiting will we be waiting the rest of our lives??

honestly money is tight right now (personal again sorry)

we are working towards finding what works for us financially!

right now tanner is trying to figure out his three jobs,

and i want to start hair again, work part time with my dad and continue being a wellness coach!

can we do everything?

i watched my parents, and they sure figured it out.

but man growing up scares me!!!

i thought i would feel like an adult when we signed papers for our first house,

nope! i did feel grown up... but not anything crazy!

then i started thinking seriously about being a mama.

if that doesn't make you feel grown up i don't know what does!

i'm not scared of being a mom at all. 

i am terrified of being pregnant though!

the whole thing is scary.

i used to be a very anxious person, don't get me wrong i still worry a lot! 

so i just get so scared thinking about waiting for my baby to come out and it overwhelms me haha.

i just want some opinions from you mamas and soon to be mamas.

how do you make it work?

financially.

emotionally.

physically.

i'm most worried about the financial part!

any and all advice is appreciated. 

thank you guys again for reading and showing interest.

it means the WORLD to me.

xo.

morgan.